As soon as I spot him, I called out his name. Low at first, unsure just how loud a shout society would allow, and slightly loose under my breath from the sight of him in person after years. It was in the middle of a crowded mall, I called out to him again, louder this time, and see him whip his head around looking for me. I walk towards him and give his forearm a light tap. I say a small “hi” with the most genuine grin I could muster. He reciprocates and leans in closer for a hug. I pull away quickly, fearing he might feel my heart beat stronger.
My dad would have loved you.
When is love a mistake? How do you own a heart?
Videocity was a disc rental place we went to if we wanted to watch a movie at home but didn’t want to commit to buying the whole thing. My brother and I would go in, pick out 2-3 discs at a time and pay for the rental fee. We’d watch the movie together in our living room. My brother would buy a copy of the disc when he loved what he watched. I’ve gotten so used to renting that I never thought of owning.
I was fully content on the fact that I would have to return whatever I rented. I watched them already, why would I need them again? I realized I would when I wanted to rewatch the movies I loved. But like always, the realization came too late. There would be penalties when you kept your rental for too long. When you went back to rent new ones, you would be charged a fine for not returning the old ones on time.
In this case, the penalty was a broken heart for affection that was borrowed.
Is love on borrowed time still love after all?
The offer was friendship with the promise of its potential to be great as time will pass. The payment was my infatuation being put through a wringer of a distressing confession, like plucking out petals one by one indefinitely and never knowing if he loves me or not.
Every time he said her name, it flipped a tiny switch in her mind. She responded to it the way a dog would to their owner— tail wagging nonstop . She’d be elated, if only for a second. And she decided, quite arbitrarily, that a second was all it took to make her day.
Cope and Wander 